


Deliberations

by Gusto_on_Ao3



Category: Dark Souls (Video Games)
Genre: Chapters are short, Connections to Bloodborne, Hints at Backstories, I'm Actually Pretty Good At Titles, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Mentioning of Relationships, Might Write More with These Guys, Thoughts before Important Moments
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29229702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gusto_on_Ao3/pseuds/Gusto_on_Ao3
Summary: The thoughts of several OCs before important moments. They are short, sweet, and all relate back to one simple question:"How did I come to this?"(Cross-posted on fanfiction.net)
Relationships: Ashen One/Dancer of the Boreal Valley (Dark Souls), Ashen One/Yuria of Londor, OC/OC
Kudos: 4





	1. Destiny

**So, this is just a small experiment, basically. I'm trying to write some small, 1,000 word or less ficlets, just to get a bit more writing in.**

**And so, I decided to go with a simple concept. This is the deliberations of my Dark Souls characters during some of their most important moments. I might do something with these characters in the future, but for now, I'm just writing shit about them for funsies. And so, we're starting off with the easiest, and probably most generic of the cast: one of my two Dark Souls 1 characters.**

**If you like what you see here, feel free to let me know. And if you'd like to see me write a whole story involving these characters, let me know that to.**

**Anyways, I've rambled on long enough. Enjoy!**

* * *

**DESTINY**

* * *

To think that I would stand here, where the First Flame was rekindled...

To think that I would be the successor of the almighty Gwyn...

To think that the world would be saved by my hands...

Destiny certainly was a strange thing, wasn't it?

When I left home, I was but a boy. No older than 14, and yet I already knew I could not stay. It hurt too much to know that I could never truly achieve my dreams. No matter my skills, my station would hold me back from being one of Astora's Elite Knights.

Four years of travel. Four years of battle. Four years of helping the people. And most importantly, four years that would shape me into the man I am today.

Never once did I doubt my cause, and my belief in the might of the gods kept me going, even as I was shown the horrors of the world. Even as the blade was plunged through my chest, and the Darksign burned brightly within me, my faith drove me forward. Even after who knows how much time in the undead asylum, nothing could cause me to falter.

The day I died, I thought that was it. I would be nothing. A faceless Hollow who wandered aimlessly until the end of days. The will to pick my divine longsword back up was as powerful a feeling as any miracle, and that same blade had been used to cut down the Lord of Sunlight. Nothing could compare, except perhaps the feelings of... that night.

Admittedly, it saddens me to know our paths will never cross again. But Lu, I will forever remember what you did for me. Our time together was short, but you taught me to face this problem with confidence. You were my muse, my goddess, my inspiration. And above all else...

You were the one who helped me realize my destiny.

Destiny was something that my father had taught me every man possessed. Our lives had clear paths, and even if we stood against it, it would happen in the end. One often meets their destiny on the road they take to avoid it.

Such an idea had left a bad taste in my mouth before I had gone on my journey. But now, it was a fact I was content with.

It was never my destiny to be an Elite Knight. My destiny lies with the people of this world.

And that fate has brought me here.

I stand before the coiled sword, the warmth radiating as I step closer, I knew I would never leave this crypt. My name would be lost to the world, and the memories would fade as time marches on. To lesser men, this would be a fearful experience. To me however, I felt no fear, no sadness, and no regret.

The memories of my battles rushed through my mind, as the warmth of the flame embraced me. From my daring escape from the asylum, to my several attempts to outmatch the Taurus Demon, to reaching the peak of Anor Londo, I knew that it was all for a purpose. Every trial, every challenge, every narrow escape, had all been leading up to this moment.

And in the end, I was ready.

I am Sawyer of Astora... and this is my destiny.


	2. Guilt

**So, being as these are pretty small drabbles, I can probably easily have them done within a couple days, if not a few hours of each other. It's mostly just something to do, and helps me get the characters' mindsets figured out.**

**But I digress. Here's the second of my Dark Souls 1 characters: Luna of Catarina. Known as 'Lu' to some.**

* * *

**GUILT**

* * *

The silence was deafening, as I walked away from the Kiln. My grip upon my shotel was weak, barely able to keep myself from dropping the blade upon the ground. All the words I wished to say turned to ash in my mouth. Could I really just walk away from this? To just go home to Catarina, and return to father a failure? And yet, what other option was there?

I did not know. All I knew was that it felt like I'd been pierced through my heart.

Sawyer... I wish I could turn back, and join you in Linking the Flame. But I did not deserve to bask in your glory. I barely deserved to be in the same room with you. I know you don't think so, but I know it to be true.

After all... I was the only reason you were like this in the first place.

A part of me was so happy when I found out you didn't remember me. You didn't remember what went down between us, and you were willing to give me a chance. You stood by me, and all I did was use you, all because I was afraid of dying, and becoming just like you.

But in a way, I suppose that would have been a fitting punishment.

Even though I made it to the end still completely human, I couldn't help but wonder at what cost. You'd lost your humanity many times, and yet your blade still was always between me and danger. And now, you decided to go it alone, and let me live my life.

You let your murderer go.

I often wondered if you ever remembered. I certainly did. And it ate away at me every day. As I came to know the upstanding young man you were, I regretted ever coming near you with that blade. You had your whole life ahead of you, and I took it away for a few pieces of silver...

And now, you were making the ultimate sacrifice, for me. I suppose it was in your nature, to put others before yourself, but still, some part of me wished you'd be selfish. That you'd turn back around and join me walking up these stairs. That we'd be able to leave Lordran behind, and find somewhere we could be happy together. That I'd be able to sleep in your arms, and be your beloved Lu once again.

...That you'd be able to see your child.

It almost made me want to cry. Your child would grow up without a father, and I'd have no answer as to where he could be. I could only imagine your face as you helped raise them into a strong, capable adult. You'd have been a great father, and we could have been so happy.

But I didn't deserve happiness.

I've been living with this guilt for almost five years, ever since the day I had ended your life. You might not remember it, but the memories are as fresh in my mind as they've ever been. And yet, despite fighting though this hellscape, we managed to find something akin to happiness with one another.

I know I'll never see you again, Sawyer. And I hate that fact. I'm trying right now to run back to the Kiln, but it's as if my feet won't change their course. I don't deserve you, plain and simple. Your killer was not some masked assailant, or some powerful bandit. In fact, she had been so close this whole time.

The guilty party is I, Luna of Catarina.

I'm so sorry, Sawyer.


	3. Belonging

**So, I've been trying to work on these chapters in groups, since obviously I'm going over three different eras, based on the numbered titles. This one was a bit more confusing for me to write, mostly just because I haven't touched Dark Souls 2 in quite a while. Not that I don't like the game, but of the three in the series, its certainly the one that I find myself playing the least. Probably because some of the design choices in that game make me question the sobriety of the developers.**

**But I digress. This one is about Akane of the East, a Katana/Twinblade build, and makes reference to a character who will be introduced in the next deliberation.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**BELONGING**

* * *

To belong. That was all I'd ever wanted.

Ever since leaving the East, and coming to the lands of the West, I knew that it would be a difficult transition. No knowledge of the local tongue, no allies to my name, nothing more than the clothes on my back and the weapons by my side. To put it simply, I was an outcast.

And yet, through some miracle, here I was. Call it willpower, ingenuity, or whatever else have you, but somehow, I'd managed to find answers, friends, and even a place I could call home.

As it turned out, all it took was me dying.

"Bearer of the curse..."

My attention was drawn away, as I looked over to the Emerald Herald. She'd had this strange look on her face since I'd returned with the King's Ring. A look of... disappointment, almost. For what, I could not fathom, but perhaps that was by design.

"I've told you before," I reply back. "You can refer to me as Akane. In fact, I would prefer it."

She nodded. "Very well. Akane... do you know of your fate?"

"I have sought Vendrick, my friend. All that is left is to pass through the king's gate. Though I shall admit, a part of me is fearful..."

"Fear is unbecoming of a Lord, Akane."

I frowned. To think a frail little thing such as me could be considered on par with a Lord.

"Worry not, my friend," I told her, "So long as I have Ulrich with me, I can weather the oncoming storm."

"The Hexer brings you comfort?"

That wasn't even the half it. It was more like he was my rock. When the life had left my form, he had been there, and despite my being an outsider, he had taken the time to help me. He let me join him on his quest, taught me the native tongue, helped me to improve my skills with the blade, and even divulged to me his deepest regrets.

But how could I articulate such a thing?

"We... we are like family."

She nodded at my statement, and sat down on the rock next to the bonfire. All that was left for him to return from his quest in the Frozen Eleum Loyce. Ever a problem solver, that one...

"What will happen when we reach the king's gate?"

"Your journey will reach its end, and the two of you will stand at the throne. There, we shall see if you are a monarch in the end, Akane."

The word 'monarch' left a bad taste in my mouth. Never once since starting this journey, did the thought of being some sort of ruler appeal to me. I was not built to be a figurehead, I was barely built to be a fighter. And besides, those in Majula meant too much for me to just leave like that.

"I'm still quite worried..." I lied, knowing I had to continue anyway. "What if I'm not worthy after all?"

"Then you will be like those who came before you."

A stunned silence was all I could offer. She merely looked at me with a smile. Perhaps the first one I'd genuinely seen from her...

"The tales of lords are lost to many, but many came before you, lacking anything to set them above others. I have no doubt they felt your same apprehension. You are not the first to feel this, and you will not be the last... but that is neither here nor there. All I can do is offer my support to you."

I nodded. "And for that, I thank you. You and the others made Majula feel like a real home. A place where I..."

The words were there, and yet, it still felt so strange to say them. How long had it been since I felt like I belonged anywhere? Since anyone other than Ulrich felt like a friend? Since I felt like I had a place to call home?

"A place where you what, Akane?"

A smile graced my face, as I looked into her eyes.

"A place where I belong."


	4. Redemption

**Some of these are surprisingly hard to write. I never thought I'd be stumped by anything less than a thousand words, but to dig deep into a character's mind is an interesting experience.**

**But I'll not waste that much time with this one. Welcome to the deliberations of one Ulrich of Melfia, Hexer Extraordinaire.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**REDEMPTION**

* * *

What was deserved by a dark-stained fool?

A question I found myself asking less frequently, especially so with every step I took through this frozen wasteland. The cold was getting to me, and it almost seemed like every enemy I took down spawned two more nearby.

It was enough to drive a man mad.

But perhaps going mad was something I deserved...

The screams of the dead still ring in my ears, their voices as clear as the day it happened. All angered, all pained, and most of all, all screaming at me an irrefutable truth:

It was my fault.

Looking back on it, I cannot even remember what made me the monster I was. I know it was all in a quest for power, but how I bridged the gap between 'knowledge seeker' and 'powerhungry hexer' was beyond me. Every memory drives me to wretch, regardless of that fact.

Ironic, really. My old master said that those who forget history are doomed to repeat its failures. And yet, without even remembering my own, it almost makes me MORE determined to avoid such a fate.

I approach the throne area once again, having gathered the knights of Eleum Loyce, as they waited patiently for us to make the plunge, so to speak. This wasn't my first time attempting this, but it was my first time with backup. Part of me considered bringing Akane, but I could not ask that of her. The girl has been through enough...

And as for me, well, sometimes I don't think I've been through enough.

It was never right of me to ask for redemption. Anyone with eyes could see that. My village was long dead, and their blood is on my hands. To think that here I was, trying to assist a dead kingdom, and for what? To try and make up for the sins of my past? To seek something that would never be mine? What right did I have... ?

_'It is not about what is right, Ulrich. It's about what you think is worth fighting for.'_

And there it was...

Her silky sweet voice penetrated my mind, the same way it always did in moments like these. Akane's words, broken and a bit rough as they came out, but still managing to make a point that pierced the darkness even now.

I still remember the day we had that conversation. She had still not mastered the native tongue, and I could see the confusion as I explained my use of 'right' in a different context. Yet she shook her head, and insisted her argument still stood. And stood it did, when I needed a light to guide me.

Even if it eluded me forever, doing the right thing because I felt it was right was the only way of achieving that goal. I shouldn't give up, when this problem right in front of me is in desperate need of solving.

Cold embraced me, piercing my body even through my thick robes. Yet despite that, I felt warm, remembering what drove me this far, and why I still continued to fight. Memories of our journey to Drangleic flooded my mind, as I gripped the Sunset Staff with conviction. Had it not been for her, I no doubt would have Hollowed long before making it to those gates.

I never got the chance to thank her for that...

As I looked to the fog that separated me from the fight of my life, it almost felt as though I never would. There was no telling if I could truly survive this battle, but I had to try. And if I go down in flames, then at least I can rest easy, knowing that perhaps I'd finally face my demons.

"Akane..."

My thoughts drifted to her one last time, as I stepped before the gate. Every second spent with her was a delight to behold. Teaching her our language, helping her learn our customs, spending long nights together sharing tales from my homeland. These days were something I would not trade for all the knowledge in the world. She'd given me more purpose beyond seeking strength, and helped me to see who I am.

She accepted me...

She understood me...

She was...

"Thank you... for being my redemption."


	5. Indifference

**And now we're getting to DS3, which being my first of the Souls games (my first SoulsBORNE being Bloodborne), I have an extremely soft spot for in my heart. That being said, this is probably going to be the shortest of the deliberations, mostly because this character is meant to be a very simple man.**

**If I do write something else with these characters, I'm considering using DS3. Call it 'The Redemption of the Four Failures', or something like that. But I digress.**

**This one is about my pure strength build. Darros, Beast of Volgen, rocking those ragged robes and a heavy great club.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**INDIFFERENCE**

* * *

Fire?

Dark?

Ash?

It's all the same to me.

Never once had I even considered myself as worthy of leaving an impact upon the world. I was nothing more than a mere wild man, having abandoned my home in favor of a hut in the forest.

Such a live might sound dull, but perhaps that was what made it appealing. I could be free to achieve my goals, and leaving Volgen behind was perhaps the best decision I'd ever made. At least until the undead came to my forest, and I was forced on a journey to try and solve that problem...

And yet, it felt empty in its own way. Perhaps I was missing something, but I never cared to find out what. I can, however, say in no uncertain terms, that serving as kindling for some stupid fire was never that.

To make matters worse, I was joined by three others, only one of which I could truly stand.

Oh well. They made for good entertainment, at least.

First, there was that desert woman. Yhar-something... I never bothered to ask again. A name mattered not, when all that was going to happen was we were just going to be used as kindling. She had a tendency to go on and on about what was on her mind, and after a certain point, I've learned merely to tune her out. Conversations with her were more like lectures sometimes, and I'd never been much of an academic.

Cleric girl, on the other hand, just did as she told, and it was sort of amusing to watch her wander from point to point. It was pretty clear she believed in her cause, but what good did that do her? Part of me was tempted to tell her of mine and spear kid's adventure in that painting, just to see her reaction. But, he did say he'd rather speak to her himself instead.

Fair enough. It wasn't my fight anyway.

Oh, and then there was spear kid...

A strange one, for sure. He looked like a girl, but fought better than most grown men I knew. And boy, did it show when we sparred.

I've noticed him fraternizing with that woman in black, and apparently, so too had cleric girl. The tension was rising quickly, and yet, I had no clue as to why. Did they know each other in the past? If so, that certainly would explain their discussions. It was like watching two experts playing the king's game.

He was perhaps the only one here who I tolerated, thanks in no small part to his combat prowess. He spoke the language of battle well, although nowhere near as well as I. And, of course, he never questioned my reasons behind things.

And in return, I never questioned why he carried around the soul of that Dancer.

I hadn't seen any of them in a while, and I knew exactly why. They were exploring that frozen city we'd seen earlier. Meanwhile, I was left here, to think on the issues ahead. They'd call on me when the time arises, and I'd inevitably join them to face whatever great foe stood in their way.

But for now, I was merely left to wait. Apathetic to the plight, yet along for the ride.

All because I was too indifferent to actually leave.


	6. Legacy

**Welp, this is actually going pretty smoothly. That makes me happy. We're getting into the next big one, this one being an OC that relates the story to Bloodborne.**

**Personally, I subscribe to the theory of Yharnam being in a Painted World, and I think that a world painted by the Dark Soul of Man would absolutely have enough power to make a world as wild and fleshed out feeling as Yharnam is. As such, I built this one to tie it all together.**

**But I'm rambling. Allow me to introduce you to Yharnam, the Lady of the Desert, and my Moonlight Greatsword build.**

* * *

**LEGACY**

* * *

If I'm being truly honest with myself, I don't even know why I'm here...

As a fighter, my skills are lacking, plain and simple. As a sorceress, I lack the focus needed to cast a large amount of spells; I have to rely on this strange sword of mine. As a friend, I fear I am woefully inefficient at offering support; ironic, given my status as the oldest of the group.

And yet, here I was, in Firelink Shrine.

The bell's toll was perhaps the most stunning sound I'd ever heard, since it meant I could enjoy what time I had left. Making it to the shrine was a hassle and a half, especially given that none of us possessed the prowess to take down that bastard, at least until our numbers finally proved too much. What was our reward for returning with the coiled sword?

A mission.

Retrieve the Lords of Cinder, and return them to Link the Flame.

I'd almost considered the Fire Keeper mad. Hawkwood was right when he said we were not even fit to lick their boots. But we persisted all the same, in part because we had an actually dedicated duo spearheading our travels.

_'Heh... spearheading.'_

It was good to see at least some among the Unkindled actually believed in their cause. Clair and Indra were practically built for long arduous journeys; a far cry from my academic lifestyle. To some degree, I could hardly fathom how either of them failed on their quests, but I suppose even the best among us must lose sometimes.

Tragic, really.

A flurry of flame came from the bonfire, as the men returned. Both Indra and Darros had returned back from the Painted World that 'Gael' fellow had introduced us to. Such a cold place, yet neither of them had been particularly fazed by this fact. And for certain, they'd have stories to tell, now that they've returned.

"Hail, friends," I called them over, but only Indra actually felt like heeding my call. The redhead rested easily on his spear, and asked how my day was.

"Nothing special," I told him dejectedly. "But then again, not all of us can take on great undertakings like you two."

"You say that like we're stopping you, Yharnam."

It was a simple statement, but no less powerful. He was right, the only thing stopping me was myself. I didn't waste any time heading back to the shrine while they worked on this little project of theirs. Granted, it was also near irrelevant to our main mission, but they seemed very determined to solve the problem nonetheless.

"Why save them?" I asked.

Indra looked at me like I'd asked him something stupid.

"Why not?" he retorted. "They were a people in need, and we possessed the power to help."

"But at the risk to yourself, and before your true mission was complete. Do you want the legacy of Indra to be that you died because you got distracted from your mission?"

He grinned that same stupid grin that he always did.

"Come now," he told me, revealing a brilliant blue and black soul. "You honestly doubt the godslayer?"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. The boy was not even 17 when he died, yet he claims to have taken down gods? Utter hogwash, if you ask me.

Yet he was constantly getting things done, as evidenced by the magnificent soul before me. And this wasn't the first time he's come back with a powerful soul on hand. I haven't forgotten the incident with that vile dancer. Both him and Darros had made shorter work of it than we had expected, and made their way into Lothric Castle alone.

Meanwhile, Clair and I were focused with the cathedral, and still had not yet been able to defeat the Abyss Watchers...

This only further compounded my thoughts from before. Why was I even needed here? Was I really contributing to our efforts, or was I nothing more than dead weight? For all the guff I give him about his own legacy, mine certainly isn't shaping up to be anything spectacular at this rate.

"At any rate," Indra continued, hiding the soul once again, "We're just here so that I can get this soul transposed. And then we're back on the road again."

"To where? I thought you'd just helped Ariandel."

Indra nodded. "We did indeed, Yharn. But now we've discovered this... dreg heap, and I'm going to search it at the request of the painter."

The Painter? Perhaps another detail I might have been privy to if I had joined them...

"Though for now, it seems that it will only be me... Darros said he was going to go try and help Clair with the Abyss Watchers."

And there it was. An opportunity.

"What exactly is the mission, Indra?"

He looked confused, though it wasn't like I could blame him. I had always been more passive than the others.

The explanation was swift, and it got me excited. Seeking a pigment formed of the Dark Soul of Man, to paint an ambitious new world. It seemed like something that would inspire a miracle used by the clergy. And now, Indra was going at it alone?

Not if I had anything to say about it.

"Tell me, would you like some help?"

"Of course I would," he answered immediately. "No great mission is done alone. Why? Are you offering?"

I smiled.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am."


	7. Forgiveness

**So, we're now getting to the nitty gritty with these final two. These are some of my older characters, and ones that have gone through a LOT of changes since their original variants. In the end, they've stuck around, and I'm glad they did, because I always liked their dynamics once I decided to put them together.**

**But I digress. This is Clair of Farron, a regenerator build, and the second-to-last deliberation of them all.**

* * *

**FORGIVENESS**

* * *

How did it come to this, after all we've been through?

Tell me how, old friend. At one point, we were practically connected at the hip, and yet now, you had your flame pointed at me, and my chime was readied to spear your heart with lightning...

Perhaps it all started when I left. I knew you wouldn't take it well. You were only 15 when it happened, and I remember that look on your face well. You wanted to say something, but you knew nothing you could say would convince them. Never once did I consider that you would have gone out and tried to find me.

But I should have.

A twinge of guilt ran through me, as I remembered our days in Farron. But I knew I would have to shove that out of my mind. Neither of us wanted this, but lamenting on it can't - no, WON'T solve anything. But maybe I didn't have to just yet...

"There's really no talking you out of this, is there?"

You didn't say a word, but then again, you didn't need to. That piercing gaze confirmed it a thousand times over.

I gripped my battle axe tightly, and made no attempt to hold the memories back.

Days long past could be a comforting thought in hard times, and for me, that was undeniably true. I could still remember when times were simpler. When we were nothing more than some teenagers who would meet up at night and explore. You always gravitated toward the front lines, your spear hand ready at the slightest sign of danger.

The others were lucky to have you, after I left on my pilgrimage.

I'd known the risk when that day came, but still I traveled out. My cause was an important one, and I was the only one who'd had the guts to actually step up. Armed with nothing more than a mace and a couple miracle scriptures to my name, I'd made it, only to be proven a failure in the end.

Had you known the risks? Surely you must have. Or maybe they didn't concern you, considering your brazen claim of slaying divinity.

Not that it matters now, this was simply me trying to keep from stepping forward.

After a while, you'd rush in, and make the first strike. A lifetime of sparring matches had made your patterns quite clear to me. We were both strong opponents, to be sure, so this battle could last for a long while. In the end, inevitably, we will both run out of Estus, and at that point, it all comes down to skill.

Just like old times, really.

That's what made it so painful in the end. The fact that we had spent so much of our lives together. That we had grown up with one another, and grown strong together. That you had been there when I was sent off to my mission. It broke my heart, and made me wish that we could go back to a simpler time. A time when we were simply enjoying life in Farron, and didn't need to worry about all of this.

But that time was ancient history now, and we both knew it. Farron was long gone, and so are the relatively peaceful times we once enjoyed.

In this age, it was down to you and I, the last remaining members of our old group. And right now, we stood on opposite sides. You've been led astray by that vile woman, and despite my best efforts, I was unable to bring you back to the side of good.

Right now, it was a servant of the Hollows against a servant of the Gods.

Darkness against Light.

And perhaps most important, a cynic against a faithful.

I take no pleasure in what I'm about to do, but it must be done. To let this world fall to darkness is something I cannot permit. Not while I still draw breath, and not while I can cut down those who would be foolish enough to try.

As much as it may pain me, that includes you.

"Indra... I hope that some day, you'll find it in your heart to forgive me."


End file.
